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And I Was There, Too

I’m really only good at two things. Unfortunately, it’s illegal for me to charge money for either outside of the State of Nevada. Which is why I spent Wednesday morning covering a round table discussion on the efficacy of stress-testing at banks.

Don’t worry, no one else knows what the hell that means, either.

The round table (which had no table, but just for guys lounging together on a couch like a Greek Symposium) took place at the W Hotel in Times Square, which seems to only have four floors, half of which are dedicated to very tiny event spaces, like the one we were in.

The round table was preceded by a continental breakfast, which meant that in addition to my usual fee, I got my free fro-yo (all continental breakfasts come with fro-yo, these days).

Anyway, I’d downed one fro-yo and coffee too many, a fact which made itself insistently known to me as the round table dragged on and we discussed issues like black swan events, the cascade effect of sovereign risk, and projections for future fro-yo production levels. I trotted out to the little boys room.

Like all fancy New York hotels, the bathroom was designed in the style of Antoni Gaudi crossed with Frank Gehry, and contained weird fixtures like bidets, faucets that only work when turned at non-Euclidean angles, and a shower stall.

Please stop designing my faucets

The Muzak is pretty loud, but after a few minutes, I swear to god I hear something go ‘Droid.’ As in this. So that’s a little strange, I think, but I’m not entirely certain I’m not hallucinating.

So I wash up and enjoy the rest of the music. As I’m leaving I hear the sound of a woman giggling coming from the shower stall.

Yes, at the Stress-Test Round Table, someone was getting it on in the men’s room.

And I was there, too.

I was tempted to go back in and start applauding. The part of me that likes making life more interesting wanted to introduce myself. The part of me that liked earning enough money to pay rent and eat on a regular basis knew I should get back to my assignment. Sensible Vagabond won. This time.

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