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Accenture dropping sponsorship of Tiger Woods

December 14, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

Accenture doesn’t think Tiger Woods is the “right representative” for the company? This is a huge, huge mistake for Accenture. The opportunity here is incredible. Follow me on this one:

In the next few weeks, everyone from Gatorade to Gillette to Cadillac is going to try to get as much distance as possible from the fallen golfer. There’s going to be a stampede, and it’s not going to work. Everyone remembers the old Cadillac commercial where a supernatural woman in New Orleans magically appears in Tiger’s Escalade to the tune of Stevie Wonder’s “Superstitious” as a gleeful Tiger declares “I love this town!” Now it’s unintentionally funny and will be up on the youtubes soon, mark my words.

Running away from Tiger isn’t going to work. You can’t do it. Plus, the Tiger scandal now makes him the perfect representative for Accenture.

You’re Accenture. You had to change your name from Arthur Andersen because you were convicted of witness tampering. You cooked the books for Enron. There’s video of Dick Cheney from when he was the CEO of Halliburton talking about he much he admired your “creative accounting” program. You cheated on your taxes by incorporating in Bermuda.

Don’t hide who you are. EMBRACE it. You’re cheaters. You help people bullshit government regulators. When companies need to hide the bodies and pay off the hookers, you’re number one on the speed-dial. Guys, there’s an entire planet of bad guys out there that need your particular expertise. You’re the Don Draper of the consulting industry. Tiger’s the Don Draper of the golf world. Own that shit.

Own that shit

Here’s the spot that I would go with: open with a shot of Tiger at some nigh club. Low lighting, girls all over the place. There’s drinking, there’s carousing, someone is snorting Ambien off Kate Moss’s breasts.

Tiger walks out of the club. A team of ‘cleaners’ is on him immediately, they replace his lipstick stained shirt, spray him with Febreeze, switch out his slutted up cell phone for his family one. Prepped, Tiger goes back to his mansion with the family tableau from the last shot of the pilot episode of Mad Men. Tiger turns to the camera and grins: “Accenture. Don’t get caught.”

It’s genius. Who do I have to talk to to make this happen?

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