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Magnificent Bastard

There’s a “Myers-Briggs” personality test going around on the Facebooks these days. I usually don’t like divulging this sort of information, but I thought these results were cute enough to warrant posting. I think I might have gotten my results mixed up with McNulty from The Wire, though.

You got the result: Lazy Irresponsible Selfish Bastard

You’re off in your own little world. You give little if any thought to the feelings of others, leaving a string of bitter relationships in your wake. You smoke. You drink. You engage in compulsive acts of onanism far more than is strictly necessary to fend off prostate cancer. You don’t brush your teeth regularly. If the woman behind the counter gives you too much change, you say nothing. You don’t find children endearing. You have homicidal thoughts every few minutes. You’re in a state of constant inebriation. Friends and family sometimes try to find the good in you, only to find you’re not a hard shell with a soft, vulnerable center, but a bastard through and through. A bastard coated bastard with a creamy bastard filling. You occasionally kick puppies ’cause you’re in a bad mood. You reek constantly of cured ham and Mentos. Your lawn is dying. Once, in third grade, you put gum in a girl’s hair and she had to shave her whole head. This still amuses you. You do not take out the trash. You only like it when it rains. Your favorite activity is crushing the hopes and dreams of the young and idealistic. You’re no good for anyone.

You share these traits with Tom Waits, Charles Bukowski, Edna St. Vincent Millay, the Archbishop of Canteberry, former President Millard Fillmore, and Ghandi, who despite all the nice things people usually say about him, was a real bastard.

  1. LouieBlue
    September 4, 2009 at 6:54 am

    Haven’t heard news in a while Jef; did someone put you in l’hôpital for being a Lazy Irresponsible Selfish Bastard?

    btw… Tom Waits? Awesome.

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